Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Day Fifteen--Why I Need to Buy a Horse

I’ve come to the conclusion that the only thing that’s going to make me feel better is if I buy a new horse.

That’s it, plain and simple.

Therefore, I’m horse shopping.

Honestly, this started before we quit smoking. I’m just using the quitting smoking as an excuse to buy another one. The horse shopping actually began when I told the story about the bucker and one of my blog buddies contacted me about a horse she had for sale. That’s all that has to happen to get me going—the mere mention of an available horse. Even if I am on full-horse-overload (the ratio of horses to stalls is unbalanced), if someone tells me about a horse they think I could use, I have to stop and consider.

Due to Christmas and having to go up to New Jersey to visit my mother, we were not able to move fast enough on my blog buddy’s horse and he was sold to someone else. But it was too late. I got the bug.

The truth is, now’s the time to buy. In fact, now is the time to get a free one if you’re not picky. The whole bottom has fallen out of the horse market and people are driving by horse sales, slowing down just enough to kick out some horses and then speeding away before anyone makes them load them back up again; that’s how bad it is. We knew we needed a horse. Actually, we knew we needed two horses. My favorite horse, Harley, has headshaking syndrome.

And Kelly stole Kurt’s horse Bullet because we retired the old guy.

But we were going to wait until the summer to start looking. Then my blog buddy opened her mouth. Then my friends from Nicotine Busters told me that I should reward myself with something that has the most incredible flowing mane and tail in the world and a nice big booty to match.

I thought, “That’s a great idea!”

So Kelly and I set out on a road trip yesterday. I’d been horse shopping online for the past few weeks and I made appointments for two prospects, about two hours south of me, and an hour apart from each other, in North Carolina. We’d mosey along, stop and get some snacks, stop and have some lunch, maybe take of a few pictures of interesting things for my blog and go see horses! And since I got my singing voice back because I quit smoking, I stocked the truck with some good music including my new Smokey Robinson CD. I would sing along and serenade Kelly at the top of my lungs. People say I’m the life of the party ‘cause I tell a joke or two… It’d be fun!

Do not trust the GPS or Mapquest. Why can’t I have a map like the old days where you simply pulled over to the side of the road, figured out you had to get on Highway 10 and then get off on Highway 6 and then make a left onto Main Street? But nooooo. It doesn’t work that way anymore. The GPS had me going left and right and following motorways into brick walls and getting me all nervous telling me I was going to turn soon where there was no turn but a simple bend in the road that you would have never noticed if the English chick hadn’t piped up to begin with. Then, luckily I have a great sense of direction because it had me going north, away from my destination, and I noticed it right away.

“This don’t seem right Kel,” I said to the kid. “See if Mapquest jives with what the GPS is saying.”

“What’s ‘jives?’” she asked me.

Oh man, now I had an English language barrier along with the GPS getting me lost? I was starting to feel irritable. I wanted to smoke.

Jive talking! Don’t you know what jive talking is? Haven’t you ever heard of the Bee Gees? Okay, reach in the back and get the CD case and look for the Bee Gees. You’re going to really like this one. I can sing the Bee Gees real good.”

The kid rolled her eyes and then denied doing it.

Let’s put it this way. I tormented her the entire trip. The only good thing she got out of it was I was very agreeable about stopping to buy junk. Whatever she wanted to get, it all looked good to me. We got Bubblicious Sour Citrus, Tom’s Coconut Slices, Lance cheese crackers, Uncle Al’s sugar wafers, Combos, some kind of sour wormy thing. We got these peanut butter things that were kind of like Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups except they were covered in a cluster of nuts. How can you go wrong with that? And of course barbecue-flavored corn nuts because what road trip is complete without the corn nut?

We got bellyaches. But we didn’t get a horse. One of them bucked just like Spirit did when I was buying him. I learned my lesson from that one. Never buy a horse that bucks when you are looking at him to buy. In fact, never buy a horse that does something wrong for the first time when you are looking at him to buy, as in, seller scratches his head and says, “He ain’t never done that before.” Whatever he has never done before will, in fact, be an ingrown, incurable habit.

The other horse I wasn’t gaga over. Therefore I’m having major nicotine fits and am at serious risk of relapse.


Grey Horse Matters said...

Sounds like fun. Don't have a relapse, you've come this far. There's a horse out there just waiting for you! Good luck.

Sweet Virginia Breeze said...

I think a new horse is the perfect reward for quitting smoking! Keep looking, the horse of your dreams is out there and you will find it.

Your road trip sounds lik fun!

Tammy said...

No, no relapse! But was laughing at your anger toward the TomTom lady. That would have been enough to drive me to a pack, too! But look! You are on day 15!! And still alive, married AND getting a new horse. I'm in awe how you squeezed that one in! But anxious to hear about your continued search...

I was talking among friends about what I would get when I retire Windy. Now granted, that is about 15 yrs from now. I was saying how I would want a 3 or 4 yr old... yada yada and then THEN! I realized I would be over 60 years old? What the heck would I want with a 3 yr old! This getting old stuff is scary!

Keep up the good work!

Beth said...

Oh, please don't relapse, Debi---you're doing so well and, look, you have your singing voice back!! I think what you and Kelly need are more roadtrips to look at horses. Even if you end up not liking the horse, what can be better than going down country backroads eating roadtrip junk food with one of your favorite people and singing at the top of your lungs? (That would be your lungs that are getting pinker and healthier by the minute...yay!)

Nezzy said...

This Ozarks farm chick ain't never heard of the Horse Plan for kickin' the habit! Heeehehee! Ya'll are just too funny, so glad I popped in to enjoy the hilarious read.

From the hills and hollers of the Missouri Ponderosa, ya'll have a wonderfully blessed day!!!

Nezzy said...

This Ozarks farm chick ain't never heard of the Horse Plan to kick the habit! Heeeheehe!!! Ya'll are just too funny!!! I'm so glad I popped over to enjoy the read! Stick to your guns honey and get a horse, or two!!!

From the hills and hollers of the Misssouri Ponderosa, ya'll have a wonderfully blessed day!!!

Chris said...

NO RELAPSE, YES HORSE! More road trips and child torturing and blogging! :) IMHO

sweetflutterbys3 said...

One of my favorite comics is a picture of a car going over a cliff and the GPS is saying, "Recalculating".

I make my husband shut ours off on trips, except when we go through roundabouts, then I have to hear the British lady say, "Entering Roundabout". It drives my kids crazy.

Good Luck with the horse search. I know you'll the right one. He is out there, just waiting for you!

Claudia said...

Deb, you crack me up!
If I am down, all I have to do is read your stuff, I can see you guys on that trip!
Please don't go back to smokes, we gotta have you around longer ....
too funny!

Rural Rambler said...

Deb I am with Claudia in that you crack me up! You know I think the search with Kelly is more fun than the actual buying. Stay strong Deb! On the no smokin' part, the horse part keep on lookin' and have some fun. I know we all will be enjoying some interesting blogging from you :)

Jamie Ferraioli said...

You stay strong! And use this horse buying as your distraction. Some people chew gum and suck on lollypops, you buy horses.
Put your whole mind into it. But don't get stressed over it. Think of it as something fun. You're shopping for something fun, so have fun with it! And like I said before, with you guys quitting, now you can afford 10 more horses! said...

My husband feels like it is very necessary to help educate our children. His contribution to the homeschooling effort is translating jargon just like jargon, Bee Gees, and other important cultural trivia. I'm sure he would be happy to include your daughter in the lessons.

Where is that darn horse? Hope you find the match soon! But until you do, we will enjoy the stories of the odyssey!

Amy Tate said...

What a great reward! And congratulations!!!!!! Oh what fun. Just think, in a few months you'll be training a new one. The perfect one. He'll steal your heart and inspire all sorts of stories. I can't wait to read all about it!

Tammy said...

Just checking in.... How's day 29? Still horse shopping?

Anonymous said...

You can do it! And have you ever thought of adopting a horse that has been abandoned lately cuz of the recession? I know it might be harder to find a good horse that way but it might be worth a shot!

Laughing Orca Ranch said...

I'm right where you are. I can't even walk up to the barn anymore to take care of my llamas, goats and sheep. My hubby does it for me.It just makes me so sad not having my horse there anymore. :-(
I'm horse shopping, too.

But I got so burned when I bought my first horse that I'm afraid of horse shopping and being taken advantage of again...or getting hurt.

I know all about the horse market, too. Two years ago, I bought my mare for $3,500, and I sold her this month for $900. And now that's my measely horse budget. Does that suck, or what?

Hang in there,

Anonymous said...

I hope you haven't started smoking again! I wish you every success with that. I also know you'll find just the right horse for YOU!