Sunday, January 26, 2014

Something's Off

We need a new dog on the farm. In our family. I was going to wait until after we got back from Florida. The main reason we don’t go away as much as we’d like to is because of the animals. I should say as much as Kurt would like to. My idea of a vacation is to sleep until I wake up. Just wake up whenever I’m done sleeping. No alarm clocks. No shaking me. Then when I finally do open my eyes, don’t get out of my pajamas and have somebody bring me coffee and food, preferably spaghetti, eat, and then go back to sleep. That’s my idea of a vacation. But Kurt and the kid prefer more traditional venues like Disneyworld plus my father abandoned me for all the good weather down there so I’ve got to go.

It’s really hard getting away when you have animals. That’s one of the reasons why I don’t like going away. I get the horse sitter to come twice a day and she’ll fill up the barn cats’ food and go inside and take care of the house cats but I can’t leave a dog alone all day and all night with only two visits from someone. Dogs don’t like to be alone. They’re pack animals. Even if I had two dogs, which we usually do, and they had each other for company, they still have to go to the bathroom more than twice a day in a twenty-four hour period. So I bring the dog(s) to a dog sitter and that can run into big bucks and then on top of it, I always feel guilty because my dogs are not really thrilled about it. Vixen used to give us the cold shoulder when we returned and the last time we went away, poor Motley was traumatized by the dog sitter’s dogs. Even though they are all very nice dogs and they are used to other dogs coming and going because that’s what this lady does for a living. I shouldn’t say he was traumatized by her dogs, plural. It was one dog in particular. A sweet and friendly Great Dane named Daisy. But Motley was scared of her. He couldn’t figure her out because she was as big as our pony but she wasn’t a pony. He knew there was something off about her.

I don’t know if it was the pony-like dog or what, but Motley wasn’t himself when we picked him up and I don’t think he was himself while he was there either because the dog sitter didn’t rave about him like people usually did. Everyone loved Motley. Even the mailman told me that if I ever needed a home for him, he would love to have him. I used to be afraid that people were going to steal him if I turned my back. That’s how nice he was. So I expected the dog sitter to report how impressed she was, how he was the best dog she’d ever taken care of. But she didn’t say squat. I was kind of insulted by her lack of accolades. It was like making someone a gourmet dinner with ingredients you had to search high and low for, exotic this and organic that, and setting up your computer with the recipe on it right on the counter next to the coffee pot so you can follow it to a T and everything looks fabulous, it looks like something out of Bon Appétit magazine, and no one says, “Yum, this is good.”

At any rate, Motley wasn’t himself when we picked him up and in fact, he was never himself again. He was quieter. He started aging fast and we found ourselves cooing, “You good old dog,” and then we’d hit our foreheads and say, “Wait! He’s not old!” He was seven or eight. In the summer, he started panting more than I thought was right. Everyone said, “Oh, it’s hot,” but I knew something was wrong. When I took him to the vet, we found out he had kidney failure. We never found out what caused it. By Christmas, he was dead.

I can’t help wondering if it had something to do with the vaccines the dog sitter required. I didn’t want to do it. I’m not against vaccines. But I think we give too many of them too often and I’ve cut back on the number of vaccines I give to both my animals and my children. The dog sitter was actually on the same page as me about that and she was going to let me slip by with just the kennel cough shot since he had had the whole series about two years ago. But when I was in the vet’s office and the vet asked me if I wanted to do them all, I thought, ah, give them to him. I was scared when I did them and scared when I didn’t. I’ll always wonder if those shots had something to do with it because he was perfectly fine before that. Maybe, with his compromised organs from having the parvo as a puppy, all those shots put him over the edge. I don’t know…

Now it’ll be even harder to go away because I’m not going to put my dogs in any kind of a boarding situation if it means I have to give them vaccines I don’t think is in their best interest. I’m going to have to find someone to stay at the house. That’s not going to be easy. Or cheap. So we were going to wait before we got another dog, do the Florida thing first. But I can’t stop crying. I never cried this much over a dog. It has nothing to do with the fact that I held Motley when we put him to sleep. I held Vixen too and I didn’t cry over her this much. I’m crying over Motley about as much as I cried over my mother! It’s embarrassing! It’s a dog!

Maybe it was because he was by my side practically every waking minute. I went out to take care of the horses, he came out with me. I went back in, he came back in. I went into the bathroom, he padded after me. All through the house, he quietly followed and was always there, sleeping next to the bed (I had to watch when I got up in the morning that I didn’t step on him), under the kitchen table, lying next to the couch, not making a peep except for the thump of his tail if I looked in his direction. I go out now to feed the horses and I feel like I forgot something. I open the door to the house and expect Motley to come barreling out and there’s nothing. It’s like my arm was cut off. Yeah, I’m still functioning with what I have left. But I’m all discombobulated like there’s a pony but it’s not a pony. Something’s off.

So I need another one ASAP. Of course no dog will take Motley’s place. How many best-dog-evers are there? But I know I will feel better if I have another dog to love, especially if I can find one who needs a home. I’ve got to do something with all this dog love that has no place to go right now.

12 comments:

Tammy Vasa said...

Gosh, I just blogged, and proofread my own blog and then saw that you had updated so I feel like for once I can have a comment that is current!

I lost my Macy in 1998 and I am still not over it. She was also the Best Dog Ever. And I had a new puppy in the home within weeks. I couldn't take it. It was so empty. As we speak, I have a St. Bernard laying behind me upside down with his feet on the wall and the rottweiler who was suppose to be a lab x between the St. and me. And the poodle is crashed somewhere because she ran 14 miles with me today out on the horses. You can't be a dog person and not have a dog. So understand all the dog-love you have pent up inside.

We always suspected Macy's vaccinations was what killed her. She was just 7 or 8 and not old enough to die. We had her shots done and within a few days, her blood cell counts were off. We thought the gold mastercard would save her but nothing could. We lost her. My hear hurts. My now 17 year old called her Dee-Dee because he couldn't talk then - that's how long its been!

I think the loss of animals seems to hurt us so much because we can't grieve for them properly like we can a person. So there is a lot more that is held back. When I lost my Ginger horse, I went on a week long horse trip with my horse girlfriends and they let me grieve. They cried with me. It was the most awesome week of mourning - if you can call it that. It truly helped.

Take care & many hugs. Can't wait to see what you bring home.

Gilly said...

Oh I do understand about not getting away with a dog in the family! We had four dog-free years before we had our arms twisted to take on one of the dogs my ex-son-in-law was rehoming (due to him deciding to go off to the US) and our grandsons were so upset about losing their dog that we took him on. Now we find its hard to get out, except on dog walks, we would love to take some of the day-trips that are arranged round here for us older citizens. But no! He does go into kennels once a year, but its so expensive - really adds to the cost of a holiday!

But then, when you've had dogs all the time, like we have, the house seems empty without a black/ginger/black-and-white presence!

Take your time to get the right dog. You will know when you see him/her. And good luck!

Chris said...

Yes, sounds like you need a dog to love. I think it helps. When I go away I have someone stay at my house for the animals. I can usually find a friend that needs a vacation from whatever is going on at their house. I think staying at my house has helped a couple of marriages that needed a time out. :)

Grey Horse Matters said...

I understand how you're feeling. I still miss my best dog ever and it's been 11 years. Yes, I have two dogs that I love very much but he was so special. Take your trip and when you come back I'm sure you'll find a dog to love again.

Greener Pastures--A City Girl Goes Country said...

Tammy, what do you do about vaccines for your dogs now? I have a really good vet. I really like him and all the girls in the office. It would upset him if he knew I think it might have been the vaccines. They believe they help, of course. I'm worried when I do and worried when I don't. The horses too. Against my better judgement last year I vaccinated Harley. He was doing so well with his headshaking syndrome that we thought Kelly might be able to use him for 4-H. Two weeks after vaccinating him, the headshaking came back full force. Now this year, the 4-H is requiring MORE shots. Not sure what I'm going to do.

Greener Pastures--A City Girl Goes Country said...

Tammy, what do you do about vaccines for your dogs now? I have a really good vet. I really like him and all the girls in the office. It would upset him if he knew I think it might have been the vaccines. They believe they help, of course. I'm worried when I do and worried when I don't. The horses too. Against my better judgement last year I vaccinated Harley. He was doing so well with his headshaking syndrome that we thought Kelly might be able to use him for 4-H. Two weeks after vaccinating him, the headshaking came back full force. Now this year, the 4-H is requiring MORE shots. Not sure what I'm going to do.

Christina said...

I look forward to meeting your new family member when they come along.

Tanya Breese said...

could it have been food she gave him? i've heard alot of reports on kidney failure in pets because of some pet foods...still so sad for you and your loss :(

Sloan said...

My dog got sick a few days after vaccines and never recovered. She was only five. I always wonder too. Don't worry Debi, you will find another dog to love.

CountryDew said...

It took me a long time - at least a year - to stop looking for my dog after we put her to sleep. Some things are just hard to lose.

Becky Mushko said...

The right dog will find you. Or you'll find him (or her). When the time is right.

Greener Pastures--A City Girl Goes Country said...

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