Monday, April 20, 2009

Great Love

My mother has leukemia. I hesitated writing that because, there are probably people in my life, if you can call it that—in my life—forget it; let’s just say people I know, who would be glad to hear it. I know. It’s hard to believe that another human being would take satisfaction in such a thing. I don’t think it’s me being cynical or paranoid. There are some mean people in this world. Like the Evils. Or even that secretary of the horse club who hates me because we didn’t vote the same. I have no illusions that either one of them, if they were reading this, wouldn’t smirk and say “Good!” So with that being said, if the mean, evil people are reading this, if you are a mean, evil person, you should know that I could care less what is inside your sick mind and heart.

What is inside my mind and heart is great pain because of how lucky I’ve been to have such a loving mother. Maybe if she wasn’t so great, it wouldn’t be so bad. But it’s bad. I worry. I worry if the chemotherapy doesn’t work and the other things they will try don’t work, and I lose my mother, how will I get over that? How will I go on?

My father said if something happens to my mother, he can’t go on. I didn’t try to talk him out of it. I didn’t say, “Oh, you’ll go on, you’ll be fine.” Because it’s ridiculous. It’s as obvious as the nose on your face, which is one of my mother’s favorite sayings—my father would not be fine. He would not be able to survive without my mother and we all know it, everyone knows it and so there’s no sense to lie about it. He’s not the type to join a support group or to write a book about it or to take up some new hobby in his wife’s name or to find another wife in the Elk’s club some lonely Sunday. No bucket lists for him, no looking on the bright side, no carrying on for the kids. They’ve been together since they were kids. And he said the truth. I said all I could say. “You’re not going to lose her.” That is a possibility. But him going on without her? No.

23 comments:

The Blue Ridge Gal said...

Hi Debi.... it's been a while since you posted so it was nice to see you once again put words on the screen.

I'm so sorry to hear of your mother's leukemia. It struck my family too, but I won't go into that since this post is about your feelings and not mine.

Just know that when we lose a family member that we ALL find a way to go on. You would and so would your father. You just take it a day at a time and put one foot in front of the other... a day at a time my friend.

Take care and hugs to all of you!
Di
The Blue Ridge Gal

Beth said...

Debi, I'm so sorry about your mother. I really hate that your family is having to go through such a sad and difficult thing. I've had a lot of illness and loss in my family, so I know that sense of overwhelming shock and deep grief. It's so hard. As I wrote you earlier, please know that you and your mom and all your family are in our thoughts and in our prayers. May God bless and keep you in His loving care.

gingerhillery@mac.com said...

I am so sorry to hear about your family's pain.

Sloan said...

I'm so sorry to hear this but I'm glad you wrote about it. It is beatable. Don't give up. We'll talk. And keep writing. Your writing is therapeutic I'm sure for you and you let others know that they are not alone.

Cynda said...

I am so sorry to hear about your mother being sick. Your family are in our prayers. Please let me know if we can do anything. And do not even think about those evil people!!

Debi Kelly Van Cleave said...

Thank you so much everyone. It means a lot.

CountryDew said...

I am very sorry to learn of your mother's illness. That's a difficult road and I wish you and your mother the best during this trying time.

Becky Mushko said...

What a shame about your mother.She sounds like a wonderful person. May she soon be in remission.

Amy Tate said...

Ugh. I hate cancer. I'm so sorry for your entire family. On a positive note, my neighbor has had leukemia for the past ten years. She went through cemo, and it's in remission. She even has the energy this year to do a vegetable garden. We'll pray that your mother will beat it, and that she'll live for many more years. Love ya, Debi!

hellosweetworld said...

I'm sorry to hear about this bad news. I really send you my best wishes and believe that everything will work out the way it's supposed to. I know it seems hard now but it'll play out it's tune and all come together. If you need anything in the meantime, i'm here if you need me!

Thanks for leaving such kind words on my blog the other day too. It means a lot.

sweetflutterbys3 said...

I am so sorry about your mom, and for what your family is going through. I would hope that no one is so insane as to be happy about anyone being ill- gosh, what a crazy world if that is so.

I will add your mom to my prayers and also pray for strength for your family. You are so blessed to have a mom like that. Truly.
Thank you for sharing about her with us.

Debi Kelly Van Cleave said...

Thanks my friends. I appreciate the kind words and prayers.

Amy, I need to ask you what kind of leukemia your neighbor has. My mother is so negative. Every time I tell her I've heard of someone surviving it, she says, "I'm sure it's not the kind I have!" She's too much, lol.

Sweet Virginia Breeze said...

So sorry to hear about your Mother's illness. I will keep her and your entire family in my thoughts. Hopefully she will be able to beat this.

Wolf said...

i am so sorry to hear of your mother's illness...

i'm sure right now it is hard for your mom to stay positive...but...you need to stay positive for her. it will make a huge difference. when my dad was diagnosed with melanoma, it was so hard. but staying positive was so important.

it is too bad there are Evil people in this world. but it is all too true. there is always some one out there that would say something like, well, they deserve what they got. which is never true.

my thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family while you are on this journey...

Motley said...

Debi, I am Truly sorry about your mom. She is a great lady. Be strong! Don't fall apart! Both of your parents need you, so keep it together! I'm here for you anytime, just say the word.

Motley

Gilly said...

I am so sorry to hear about your mother's leukaemia. I do hope and pray the chemo will work. Your father will find a way to carry on, but I fear he will not be as happy as when they were a couple. My mother grieved for the rest of her life after my father died, but she made a life of sorts for herself.

Getting old is the pitts. I have a wonderful daughter, and you seem to be that daughter to your parents. God be with you.

Thistledog said...

I just wandered over from Jeff Blakely's Turning Points blog... what a fun read your stories are, I'm enjoying your site immensely.

But stopped by to comment on this post: I've been through this with my mom to, leukemia - she was much older, already in her mid-seventies, and she fought long and hard. I'll pray for successful treatment for your mom, and a long, long period of remission and healthy living, so you may enjoy the hell out of her like you should. I miss my mom terribly, and loved her like you love yours; it is not easy being without her, and I so much wanted to have her come live out her final years with me. Enjoy every moment with yours (like I have to tell *you* that...) and know each day is a blessing.

Thistledog said...

I just wandered over from Jeff Blakely's Turning Points blog... what a fun read your stories are, I'm enjoying your site immensely.

But stopped by to comment on this post: I've been through this with my mom to, leukemia - she was much older, already in her mid-seventies, and she fought long and hard. I'll pray for successful treatment for your mom, and a long, long period of remission and healthy living, so you may enjoy the hell out of her like you should. I miss my mom terribly, and loved her like you love yours; it is not easy being without her, and I so much wanted to have her come live out her final years with me. Enjoy every moment with yours (like I have to tell *you* that...) and know each day is a blessing.

Callie said...

I'm sorry to hear this news. My prayers and good vibes are being sent your way and to your Mom. Hope all goes well with her treatment and she get's better.

Sky said...

i am so sorry to hear of your mom's illness. i occasionally read here but rarely comment. i know about the pain of losing a mother...mine died on feb 18th from heart disease. she was ill for several years, and yet we were still not prepared. i hope you and your family do not have to go through this and will keep you in my thoughts.

there are many good treatment options for leukemia which bring about wonderful results! i hope you guys will find one which works for your mom. keep a positive attitude...it matters. help your mom create a positive attitude, too. i believe we help our bodies to heal. sending good wishes and hugs.

Sky said...

hi, again. glad you visited my place. i wanted to tell you that i am from atlanta originally. i think virginia is just lovely and wish we could visit the state when we are east, but time often limits us to family and friends spread out in georgia. i am enthralled with the pacific nw, however...it is a rich paradise for gardening, and the landscapes are stunning along the entire west coast. the mountain ranges here in WA, the cascades and olympics, are also gorgeous and perfect backgrounds for photo ops as we explore.

so glad you dropped by and left a note. often we just need time to adjust to our conditionm (tears, anger, panic), and then we buckle down and become the warrior we must be to overcome the obstacles. hoping the journey lightens for your mom and she finds the positive energy she needs to meet the challenge she faces and sail right through!

Going Crunchy said...

Ouch! Ouch! Thoughts and prayers.

家出 said...

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